Abuse is expressed in many forms. Two of the most common ones are physical and verbal abuse. While verbal abuse might not leave marks on the physical body, it leaves marks on the spiritual body. In many cases, it can break the spirit of the person receiving the abuse which can result in a perception of bondage. Many physically or verbally abused people feel trapped and inordinately dependent on the person who is abusing them. Abusers are attracted to those who have little self worth or self love, who have grown up in an abusive environment, and they have little or no understanding that they deserve better treatment. Why do most abused people stay in the abusive relationships? I find that a lot of people that are into extreme pain in BDSM relationships are often people who have already been in abusive relationships abused or experienced trauma in their lives. They are attracted to the intensity and focus of attention, whether it feels good, or whether it hurts. And negative attention is better than no attention at all. Often, they pick abusive relationships because this is all they know, and they don't feel they deserve any better. The abusers tend to feed off the dependence of their partners, and both suck each other's energy dry. The abuser may succeed in convincing their partner that they are worthless without them. This can erode whatever little self-esteem the partner may have, and they may come to believe they cannot survive without the abuser. It is important to know when trying to help someone who has bought into the cycle of abuse, that your job is not to be a rescuer, but rather their ally that can support the person as they begin to make the choice that will move them out of the abusive relationship. Support them in finding professional help to get out. Be careful to stay clear of the drama, and let go of those who clearly do not want help. Verbal abuse can come in many levels. Sometimes simple words can effect someone. Words are very powerful. Anger can cause people to say things they would never say, and if not channeled constructively can be very destructive. Physical and verbal abuse usually doesn't get better over time, it often gets worse. In quieter moments, the abuser may apologize and admit wrongdoing, offering to change, but rarely take remedial action. Another form of abuse is sexual abuse. Also sometimes, we abuse ourselves and our inner child, by way of our own inner Judge, Parent, or Critic. Often the messages we give ourselves are far worse than anything we would ever do to another, or what another might do to us. It is important to understand that we are programming ourselves with negative messages or scripts, that only we can re-write. If you are in an abusive relationship, know that YOU ARE a beautiful person in God's eyes, and probably your friends eyes also. And know you can more pleasure in your life. It is not about deserving; it is your birthright just because you ARE - no matter who you are. Seek counseling from people who understand the cycle of abuse and how to get out. There are many groups and agencies dedicated to supporting the journey back to yourself and out of abusive relationships. And when you are ready, look for what you know you want from what you have learned from your past mistakes.